PB1A: It's Not You, It's Me.

It was 3 AM on a Saturday. I had just woken up from a long nap, confused and still exhausted. After a solid hour of trying to fall back asleep, I decided to do something productive. What better time to get things done than the middle of the night, am I right?

I sat down at my desk and shuffled through my papers, finally deciding to do work for my favorite class – Writing 2. I read the PB 1A assignment and pondered about what genre I wanted to write about. I thought back to all of my high school essays on books, research papers, etc. etc., but those just seemed too boring. I looked harder and finally arrived at a genre I had plenty of experience with in my life – break-up texts.

I scanned through old texts and screen shots and was able to dig up plenty of messages I had sent to ex-boyfriends. It then hit me that I was probably a pretty awful person for breaking up with so many people via text, but for the purpose of this assignment, these texts were gold. I read through all the messages and after a few reminiscent moments, I began analyzing my deleterious notes.

 The audience of these texts was pretty straightforward; they were all sent to the boys I was dumping. These boys had all lost my interest in one way or another, and the texts were to let them know that we were through. In some of the texts, the break-up was more of a mutual decision, with both my partner and I agreeing that something just wasn’t working, and that we would be better off as friends. Others were me just being me and leaving someone simply because I was bored (I’ll admit that I could be a little cruel to boys in high school).

The texts were all extremely long. I tried to keep the style very sincere and friendly. They all began with something along the lines of “I’ve been thinking a lot lately…” and then went on to list some reasons why we should split up, without actually saying that yet. I listed some of their better qualities and attempted to make them feel better about it by saying things like “You’re such a sweet, amazing person,” and “You deserve a lot better than me.” I wanted to minimize the damage by putting the blame on myself, ensuring them that “It’s not you, it’s me.” Tons of “sorry”s were scattered throughout the texts. Somewhere towards the end of the message, I’d include the final blow. It usually sounded something like “It’s just not working. I think we need to break up,” followed by the cliché “I still want to be friends” (Shockingly enough, I’m actually not friends with anyone I broke up with via text). However, all of the texts aimed to preemptively discourage any potential lingering by making sure my decision is understood to be final and irrevocable and there is nothing left to discuss regarding the relationship.

The main differences in the texts seemed to be based on how much I cared about the person I was texting. As horrible as it sounds, I put much less thought and effort into the boys I hadn’t dated very long because I didn’t take the relationship seriously. I was no less kind or sincere, but I didn’t try to fluff the texts as much. For the boys I truly didn’t want to hurt, the texts were much longer. I was more genuine with my words, saying things from the bottom of my heart and not just to make him feel better.

Finally, I viewed these texts from a larger perspective and reflected on the question “What makes a break-up text, a break-up text?” The tone of a break-up text is usually one of regret and sincerity. It would be quite strange to see a break-up text that was cheerful, unless someone was really happy to get out. Break-up texts always serve the same purpose: to end a relationship. The almost always include the word “sorry” at least once. They tend to be pretty lengthy. Overall, break-up texts are a non-confrontational person’s way of trying to spare the person’s feelings and let them down as easy as possible without actually being around to see their hurt reaction. Break-up texts provide a safety element because no one wants to be around upset boys. I know this because that is the exact reason I left people over text message. It was an easy way out, without having to deal with the response.